


Fly (or, The Art of Letting Go)

by thechaoscryptid



Series: Catharsis [31]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Ghosts, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Shisui/Itachi, Wishes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22775560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechaoscryptid/pseuds/thechaoscryptid
Summary: It’s your time now, little bird, and I can’t wait to see you spread your wings. I see your sorrow, your anger, and your wanting, and I can only hope there’s some part of you that recognizes it’s okay to seek that in the man who needs you as well. You’re both wise beyond your years, world-weary and desperate for a rest.A rest would do us all good.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui
Series: Catharsis [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1114704
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29
Collections: Exchange Of Hell





	Fly (or, The Art of Letting Go)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LeoOtherLands](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/gifts).



> It took me a while, but I think I managed to touch on most of your requests, Leo! Hope you enjoy.

You’ve always been beautiful, Itachi. I don’t think that will ever change--blood, sweat, and tears can do nothing to sully the grace you conduct yourself with. I’ve seen it all through the years, after all, and here I am. Still. I miss you more than words can ever express.

I see more than you can ever imagine and every day, I fall a little deeper in love with you. From the moment we ran into each other in the library so many years ago to now, watching your hair fan around you in sleep, I’ve known there will be no one else but you for me. Together we’re a force of nature, a summer storm sweeping through the city leaving bruise-purple skies and petrichor in our wake.

You...god, you. You can’t ever understand just how much you mean to me. To _everyone,_ little bird. You’re delicate as cherry blossoms and yet somehow harder than steel, especially when you get that look in your eyes that means _I’ll solve this, we’ll get through it._ So many times you’ve turned that look on me, and so many times I’ve kissed the worried furrow on your brow away.

Do you remember when we moved in with each other? I saw it so often in those first few months, when we were still trying to figure out how our pieces fit together. You were incredibly prickly, always insisting there was a place for everything, and everything was to be in its place. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in your way at first--it’s just so much easier to continue on as you’ve done before, but you were never easy.

I don’t think you ever will be.

That’s all right, though. Kakashi’s never been easy either. I know you love him. I know you’ve loved him for a long time, even if you don’t understand it yourself yet. I see it in the way your eyes light up when he walks in a room, the way you play with the ends of your hair and hide when you bite it, because he doesn’t like that. 

I _know,_ Itachi, and it’s _all right._

If I’m being honest, I...think I love him too. It’s not the same sort of bond we have--not even close, really, but you know him better than I do. I’m upset it took me this long to realize it, but he’s your perfect complement. He’s always so gentle with you. I’d really like to think it’s my doing, you know. Once, when he drove you back from the hospital, I told him why I call you little bird and that I hope he can treasure you in the same way.

You were asleep, of course, as you always are after your days in ‘that hellhole,’ because I know you’d be upset if you heard me breathing a word of it to anyone. But it was Kakashi--a man of your caliber, all sharp edges and a masterfully crafted mystery. Why wouldn’t I tell him that I love to watch your heartbeat flutter in your throat, when it could be gone any day? Why wouldn’t I tell him about the way your skin, in the right light, looks like paper over beautifully arranged hollow bones? Why wouldn’t I tell him about the way you make a little chirping noise at the end of a _truly_ happy laugh?

He loves you too, you know. He told me one night when you were sleeping and he and I were at the Stone Sparrow, drinking to forget the crime scene we’d worked on that day. Neither of us wanted to bother you with tales of blood and gore when you were busy with coursework and the weight of the world. 

I’m not a praying man, but I pray you allow Kakashi to take some of that weight for you. I was angry when he told me he loves you. Incredibly so. With whiskey in my veins I wanted to take him outside and show him exactly what I thought of the admission, but Itachi...Kakashi is a sad man. I pray that your light reaches him and lifts him up at the same time he takes your burdens on his shoulders, and I pray that you have the courage to love him like you loved me.

It’s your time now, little bird, and I can’t wait to see you spread your wings. I see your sorrow, your anger, and your wanting, and I can only hope there’s some part of you that recognizes it’s okay to seek that in the man who needs you as well. You’re both wise beyond your years, world-weary and desperate for a rest.

A rest would do us all good.

I watch, you know. I’ve watched since before that day--watched the way you grieve, how you grow, and how you keep it caged inside until it nearly eats you alive. I watched my blood run down your face in the rain, frozen in shock as the sound of a gunshot sank in. I watched the way you stood stoic through my wake, funeral, and at my graveside every day through a bitter cold winter. It was silly, Itachi. You didn’t need to do that for me, because I’m with you always.

My soul has been yours since before the world began, I swear. 

If you could hear me, you’d probably be offended when I say I watch the way you invite Kakashi in for tea when he checks on you after a particularly hard shift. Sometimes I check on him, too, follow him as he wanders the streets and tries to get used to Raidou as a partner. The adjustment is hard on him, and I thank you for helping him through it. 

You might also be offended that I watch the way you curl into him on nights when the grief overcomes both of you, and even more so that I watch the way you invite him to lay on our bed and cry yourself to sleep in his arms. I don’t like it when you cry, but I can’t blame you. I am...well, was...pretty great, right? Making sure you were taken care of in every way and ordering your coffee when your nose was buried in a book you’d spent the whole night reading.

Come to think of it, you’d probably be offended that I want you to move on so quickly. Rather, quickly for _you._ It’s not that I mind being by your side for nearly three years, no, quite the contrary--there’s nothing more I’d love than to see you grow old before coming home to me, but it _weighs_ on me, little bird. Whatever comes next is a noose around my neck, threatening to drag me away from you, but I won’t go until I know you’re safe in Kakashi’s arms.

I’m hopelessly, irrevocably in love with the way you smile when you think of how quickly he responded to your request to come over tonight. I can’t say I know what’s going on in your head but if I were to hazard a guess, it’s something to do with taking another step away from me.

You’re free, Itachi.

_Please._

If I were there with you, I’d hold onto your waist as you welcome him inside. God, your smile...how can it be so sad and yet so full of hope at once, Itachi? Your eyes are wide as you lead him into the kitchen, hands trembling as you uncork the wine he brought. I’d take credit for that, too, because I was the one who told him that was what we kept stocked. And I’d probably run my fingers through your hair, displaying its beauty for him because you’re too shy.

As it is, you’ve found your inner strength without me and undo your ponytail for yourself. He’s equally as beautiful as he tugs down his mask, and even the awkward smile you give him is sweet. You always are--tonight is no different. 

I love Kakashi for the way he seeks your company in small ways, with a brush of his fingers or the merest touch of his foot against yours as you chat about nothing over the rims of your glasses. I love him for the way he puts down his drink and leans closer, and I love you for allowing him into your space enough that he can kiss a stray hair from your forehead, just like I used to.

Do you see, Itachi? He’s perfect for you. He _cares_ like no one I’ve ever met before. Where you keep everything inside, his feelings roil just below his skin. He won’t ever let you see it, though, not unless you’re close enough to count the silver eyelashes brushing over his cheeks or chart the outlines of his scars.

You’re close enough now.

I love you both for realizing that his proximity doesn’t mean _friends._ The way you come together in the soft kitchen light is something out of a movie, I swear. It’s quick, fleeting, and I worry when I see tears in your eyes and your lip quivering. But then I see Kakashi in a similar state, and I know.

I suppose this is some bastardization of the wedding we always wanted, huh? There’s no fairy lights, or guests, or even music, but there’s the two of you and me to give you away. You don’t know and never will, but it matters to me. Your relieved sob when Kakashi kisses you again matters to me, because _you_ matter, and I know that sound well enough to know that relief means something like happiness. 

No matter what awaits me after this, I’m going to miss you terribly.

The pressure around my neck seems to double with every second but I hold on, Itachi--I hold on like I have for so long now because I want to see the way your pieces fit with Kakashi’s. I’m with you as you finish your first glass of wine and retire to the couch, when Kakashi puts his arm around you, and still when you forget the tv in favor of crawling into his lap for the longest hug I think you’ve ever accepted.

You’d be proud of me, Itachi, because I don’t listen to what you’re saying. I watch from across the room as you begin to learn each other--each tentative touch, each quiet sigh, each soft whisper of each others’ names. 

I’m with you through this and up until you lead him to the bedroom that’s no longer ours, because now it’s no longer our time. You disappear with Kakashi and the last I see of you is a final, searching before the door shuts, and then reality begins to bleed away as I'm pulled to whatever's next.

I may not be present with you from this time on, but know this--I love you, little bird, and I hope you don’t hurry back to me.


End file.
